In last week’s article I set out to prove whether or not there was beer in heaven. I thought it was clever enough, and at least plausible. However, a number of astute readers pointed out the flaw in my logic. Relying on three years of Chemistry, two years of Physics, a helping of sarcasm and the copious amounts of cheap beer I drank back in college, I felt there was enough that I could speak authoritatively on the possibility of beer in Heaven. It must also be said that, at the end of the day, the fact that there is or is not beer in Heaven remains a matter of faith. But I refuse to relinquish the right to assert that there is, in fact, beer in heaven.
But what kind of beer? It would be a bit flimsy here to say, “Capital Brewing’s Maibock is just the sort of beer heaven would serve!” But that would be a commercial, just like if say some big bland maker of mass-produced pseudo-bubbly, off-yellow watery adult beverage asserted theirs was the choice of our dearly departed fellow beer aficionados. I would have to make that case.
For example, I would have to start by saying that Capital Brewing is so proud and confident of the quality of their Maibock, that they hold an annual festival each February up in Milwaukee. I would also have to point out that a common beer is available anywhere and anytime, but Capital’s Maibock is available for just few months each spring. I would definitely mention that it ranges a modest 6-8% ABV, which would tend to induces riotous chorusing, which in heaven would be completely appropriate.
Without a doubt I would describe the warm copper hue, reminiscent of that last hint of daylight near the horizon, after the sun has set on a warm summer eve. Breathing it in, the nose just touching the coolness of its creamy-fine head carried the sweetness of winter malts tinged with spicy notes. From the first taste, fine champagne-like bubbles washed across my tongue, carrying those spice notes to the back of my throat. But what I was left with was a citrusy chill at the corners that were something of a very pleasant surprise.
You may still be asking how capital Brewing’s Maibock figures in the flawed logic of my earlier argument? In that treatment I described whether or not Heaven is indeed conducive to beer. https://900poundgorilla.wordpress.com/2013/02/21/revolution-and-beer-of-the-week-anchor-bock-and-is-there-beer-in-heaven/
The criticism I received was in my assumptions, such as assuming the size of Heaven over Hell, or in comparing Hell to the size of my first apartment. But the logic holds on multiple accounts. My first apartment was hell and it was small, but then someone recollected a rather large woman in my high school cafeteria, who was often described as hell incarnate. Again, on the surface, the logic seemed to hold, until I pointed out the grossly undersized stretch pants she was alternately ubiquitous for wearing.
So in summation, the logic holds. What I do wonder about are the seasons to great beers in Heaven. Since we’ve pretty well established that there is beer in Heaven, and Heaven in all likelihood does not serve cheap beer, what of all the great seasonals? I think I’ll pour another glass of Capital Brewing’s Maibock and mull that one over bit and see what I come up with…
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