Please join me in celebrating the year of the vagina, autumn 2012. Please no jokes about party favors or furry hats. And though I doubt it would happen, and I can only imagine the floats, a parade would be awesome, especially the feminist marching bands playing melissa Etheridge, Ani Difranco and Garfunkel and Oates songs. We could make Todd Akin, the ardent feminist Tea Party Republican candidate for Senate, grand marshall.
Banners strung across broad and sunny boulevards could carry his visionary message of hope to women, “…from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”
Of course those madcaps, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan jokingly chided old Todd about that line, kidders them. Heck, the rest of the Republican party and their media were in on the gag too, pretending to be outraged and all, especially since they passed some 500 plus bills against women and women’s health since the 2010 Tea Party revolution. Even attempting to pass more restrictive legislation against women’s bodies that very week.
And that Paul Ryan. What a kidder. He actually co-sponsored a bill with the Todd-ler restricting abortion as an option even in cases of rape and incest, because hoestly, what school girl wouldn’t be honored to have an older relative’s child? Stop kidding around. That bill would force the girl, or woman to prove it was a legitimate rape, because we all know women falsley accuse good god-fearing christian white men…oh, what’s that? The justice department says that almost never happens? Well, who can believe the government, unless they are about to wage war on say, a country that never attacked us for weapons of mass destruction that didn’t exist?
And Mitt, the would-be king of the madcaps on the Right, he’s jumped right into bed on these issues, reversing his 2002 pro-choice position to his current pro-life assertion. Now that is the mark of a master jokster, which you can tell just by looking at the guy. He is a wild man. Remember the gay kid back in school that he assulted, just for being gay? And he’s said that he would get rid of Planned Parenthood if elected. Hil-arious!
And speaking of pranks? How about invasive state enforced ultrasounds for women considering abortion. Stop! Oh, my side, Ouch! You’re killing me, or at least women…
So call, email and write Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney. Call them out on their little gag. Demand that they proclaim love for vaginas, a true and deeply spiritual love, with respect and reverence that they should all be free and that their owners get to make the decisions: and hint, the owners of those vaginas are not the men who claim or invade them as if they were another hill or middle eastern oil producing country to be conquered and occupied.