Replacing a Friend…(not lamenting; healing)

I suppose I should be flattered that whoever picked up the journal kept it. I might have felt worse had been tossed out like trash, but that someone found value in that book is, well, sort of  a comfort. I have this fantasy of signing copies of “Oliver and Me” when someone walks up and lays the journal down on the table in front of me with a contrite expression.

Undaunted by the loss the other day, that night I picked up another journal that night. In this age of computers it might seem a bit old-fashioned. I am very computer literate, but for art, I need that tactile sense. I need to put pen to an empty piece of paper and let go. There is something in the promise of that empty page, the reality of touching it, the scratch of the pen across the tooth of the paper. It is, for me, more conducive, to creating than the awkward, cold and final thump of fingers upon plastic computer keys.

So I bought the journal, but haven’t cracked it yet. Not that I don’t anticipate that slight crackle as the cover pulls gently from the first page, or the retort from the empty page to “fill me!”

I can’t right now. It just feels like this obligatory response to the lost story, and that I am simply and mechanically copying what was lost. It feels like replacing a friend, which seems fundamentally wrong to me.

I’ll give it a few days, sowing the seeds in anticipation of recreating the lost parts with anticipated inspiration for some aspect of the story I needed to mature to, or which the characters were keeping to themselves. I’ll make it part of the process, and by extension part of the healing. It will be okay. It will…It will.

About 900poundgorilla

W.C. Turck is a Chicago playwright and the author of four widely acclaimed books.His latest is "The Last Man," a prophetic novel of a world ruled by a single corporation. His first novel, "Broken: One Soldier's Unexpected Journey Home," was reccommended by the National Association of Mental Health Institutes. His 2009 Memoir, "Everything for Love" chronicled the genocide in Bosnia and the siege of Sarajevo. His third book "Burn Down the Sky" is published exclusively on Amazon Kindle. It was in Sarajevo at the height of the siege where he met and married his wife, writer and Artist Ana Turck. FOX NEWS, ABC, CBS News, the Chicago Tribune and The Joliet Herald covered their reunion after the war. He helped organized relief into Rwanda during the 1994 genocide. Turck has been a guest on WMAQ-TV, WLS in Chicago, WCPT, WBBM radio, National Public Radio, Best Of the Left and the Thom Hartmann show. He has spoken frequently on Human Rights, Genocide and Nationalism. In 2011, his play in support of the Occupy Movement, "Occupy My Heart-a revolutionary Christmas Carol" recieved national media attention and filled theaters to capacity across Chicago. He remains an activist to the cause of human rights and international peace. View all posts by 900poundgorilla

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: