Breaking News: Rick Perry to conjure spirits in battle against Texas wildfire

This just in to the 900poundgorilla news desk: Rick Perry is temporarily suspending his Presidential campaign to rush back to Texas and pray  for a miracle. The Liberal Press is reporting that more than 300 hundred homes have been destroyed and the flames are advancing out of control along a 16 mile  line. The fire, part of the historic drought, is Satanic according to a Tea Party spokesperson, stating it was just one more sign that god hates Obama and Liberals, adding that anything we don’t understand must be of the devil and his minions. Perry urged caution as he rushed back for an emergency pray-a-thon, noting that so far no rich people or corporations have been harmed.   

Scientists have weighed in on causes for the drought, pointing to global warming as a contributing factor. Perry, before leaving for Texas from the campaign trail, pointed out that scientists are book-wormy nerds supported by elitists who have gone to high and mighty Liberal Universities. Rebulicans and Conservatives have adopted the view that such things make those people think they are smarter than everybody else. When asked if Perry could explain who an Elecron Microscope worked, he began speaking in tongues and prayed for god to smite the reporter. His administration would not tolerate such blasphemous remarks that only serve evil and the work of the Devil.

The Tea Party agreed, saying that facts and knowledge only serve the Liberals, and went on to say that not a single scientist has ever successfully started a business, and many have never been with a girl. Looking at the problem from a scientific or bookish sort of way only takes valuable time from prayers and conjuring.

What America needs, the Tea Party spokesperson went on to say, is to pray for rain in Texas.  Perry will no doubt lead that effort, building upon the success of his previous appeals to the good Lord. “Eventually it rain,” said a supporter, shaking a photo of a prostrate Perry at the flames rushing towards his Central Texas trailer.

“Perry will make it rain, and then one day when it finally does, who will look like a fool then, huh?”

With that the supporter jumped in his ’84 Ford Pickup and fled.

About 900poundgorilla

W.C. Turck is a Chicago playwright and the author of four widely acclaimed books.His latest is "The Last Man," a prophetic novel of a world ruled by a single corporation. His first novel, "Broken: One Soldier's Unexpected Journey Home," was reccommended by the National Association of Mental Health Institutes. His 2009 Memoir, "Everything for Love" chronicled the genocide in Bosnia and the siege of Sarajevo. His third book "Burn Down the Sky" is published exclusively on Amazon Kindle. It was in Sarajevo at the height of the siege where he met and married his wife, writer and Artist Ana Turck. FOX NEWS, ABC, CBS News, the Chicago Tribune and The Joliet Herald covered their reunion after the war. He helped organized relief into Rwanda during the 1994 genocide. Turck has been a guest on WMAQ-TV, WLS in Chicago, WCPT, WBBM radio, National Public Radio, Best Of the Left and the Thom Hartmann show. He has spoken frequently on Human Rights, Genocide and Nationalism. In 2011, his play in support of the Occupy Movement, "Occupy My Heart-a revolutionary Christmas Carol" recieved national media attention and filled theaters to capacity across Chicago. He remains an activist to the cause of human rights and international peace. View all posts by 900poundgorilla

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