The following is borrowed directly from Rick Perry’s website. Commentary is entirely my own:
Rick Perry: the Right Leader for Tough Times(Agreed. Let’s send him back to the 19th Century, the Alamo, and a health care system he prefers)
America is at a crossroads(Between Shrub and Perry?).
One in six work-eligible Americans cannot find a full-time job(Not since his pals shipped manufacturing overseas. Remember, its all about profits, right?).
The nation’s credit rating has been downgraded for the first time in history(Thank you Tea Party).
Millions of Americans are struggling to avoid foreclosure or to just make ends meet(My administration will make that tens of millions!).
As national leaders spend more time assigning blame than laying out a clear vision, the prospects for recovery seem dim(But I pledge that no one will be dimmer than me.).
Rick Perry will get America working again.(Practice saying this: Would you like fries with that?)
As Governor of Texas, Rick Perry has helped build the nation’s strongest economy(With more strip malls and fast food places than any place on earth).
Since June 2009, more than 40 percent of all net new jobs in America have been created in Texas(Most include their own paper hats free of charge).
Thanks to his fiscally conservative leadership, Texans enjoy one of the lowest tax burdens in the country and one of the lowest government debt burdens per capita(Just ignore those big Federal checks if you please).
The principles that have guided Rick Perry’s leadership in Texas are the same principles that will guide him as President: Don’t spend all the money(Shelter it in Swiss banks).
Keep taxes low and regulations fair(For the rich and the corporations).
And invest aggressively in job creation, because good jobs make the American Dream possible(Especially if you are white, wealthy and properly connected).
It’s time for a leader who will allow us to believe again(That white folks are still in charge)
– to believe that America’s best days are ahead, that we are not consigned to a fate of high unemployment and economic despair, and that our place in the world can once again be secure with a policy of peace through strength(Just like Hoover, a gun in every pot).
That leader is Rick Perry(You may call him Lord).
And the restoration of the American Dream begins today(circa 1889. Someone call the antiques road show for Perry’s promises).
No other candidate for President – Republican or Democrat – can match Rick Perry’s record on job creation.(the 11-2 shift at KFC technically qualifies. 4 months overtime working the drive-thru and you can just about afford that deductible for your kids tonsils).
As a fiscal conservative, Rick Perry has controlled spending and cut taxes in Texas.(No longer do the impoverished and needy get a free ride. Everybody pays…below 50 grand a year)
Our nation is most secure when we have the strongest economy in the world that provides the resources needed to maintain a strong defense. We must stand firm with our allies and secure our borders. (Damn right. Those Mexicans should stay in Mexico where they can work long hours in dangerous conditions for little pay for all the American companies that have relocated there.)
Rick Perry believes government must stimulate job creation so more Americans are covered by employer-sponsored health plans, and we must repeal Obamacare. (Because sickness, injury and death should remain a privilege for those who can best afford them.)